wow, all at chaney T_T

ok. so i had an "argument" with this girl named barbara. she kept saying i reminded her of a person she really hates, and tht he reminded her of her sister. me wanting to know what made me so much like said person, i was asking her "how am i like him". she was like "because he was a bitch and annoying too". Like ok so then the argument went on from there. When the thing was over i made my peace and had everything calm. I go bk to the room after din din, and tell my so called friend/associate becca, wht she said. Then becca was like well u can be a bitch sometimes. Like after she left the room i started to cry. like anyone who knows me knows i dont show me feelings like tht. so when i cried i was thinking to myself, like am i really a bitch, like if my so called friends up here at this horrid school felt i was a bitch then how did the one's back home feel about me. Like i sit here crying now thinking to myself, if thts how they really feel then some where they must hate me if not a little. i never mean to be a bitch. i hate knowing tht i hurt others. and make them feel some type of way about me. like im really thinking im a good friend, and im nice, but apparently im not. i dont even want to be around these ppl any more if they wont even take time to see past the "BITCH" in me.like you cant ask someone to say everything on their mind and then say such things about them. the ppl i hang with up here swore up and down they couldnt understand me. an im its like because i dont show my feelings. like i will wear my heart on my sleeve and still not let u no wht is going on in my head, so they asked me to say everything tht was and is on my mind. like they dont understand tht a lot of the things i think aren't said for a reason. because i know words hurt. because im hurt by them every day, and yet they dont know. so im like ok. now tht i do, im a bitch like really? are you kidding me? im hurt now like ,,,crying a river over ppl who dont even like me. i really am thinking like im gonna become a hermit and stay in my room from now on by myself. i rather tht then be around ppl who are fake to me. like everyone bk home will let me know how i am when i act some way. but up here its like (YEAH ^_^ YEAH^_^ all fake and shit) i cant take it. like so much has gone on in so little time. i have ppl dying back home while im here and an aunt in a coma. like i lost 2 cousins already, i dont need to loose anyone else on some real. like right now im crying so much i cant see. and then to have ppl who say they are friends and dont even know about them selves, i mean, dont say im being something im not cause then i will start acting like it to show you what it really looks like. a friend is someone who supports you like family when u cant really go to family. i let them know so much of me my family would never know. and it sickens me to know i let ppl get to my heart like i did. im so weak now a days its crazy. like i broke down twice. and yet the stress is STILL nothing like back home. i just dont know anymore. im so ready to give up on evvveeerrrryyyone. im so done with life. i feel like lately i'v been living from hour to hour rather than day to day. like no lie. i feel like i dont know what to do any more. i need REAL love and support. i need hlp.